What it feels like to be a young, sober Muslim woman working in a busy bar

A guy told me before he could tip me, “you need to smile”, little did he know that is my normal facial expression. Without giving any explanation, I said “I’m good, thanks very much” to which he ended up tipping me £40 and told my male co-worker that I’m a bitch. 

Working behind the bar the first question customers would ask me “where are you from”? It’s safe to say almost 99% of the customers couldn’t crack that I’m an Asian that too a Muslim and if I were to ask them to guess it would either be responses like Indian, Spanish, Arab, Columbian, and so on but nobody would ever say “Asian”.  There would be instances where I would politely decline customers for offering me a drink , it would come across as a shock for them when I’d say “I don’t drink”.  I would be subjected to hearing comments like “you work at bar, and you don’t drink”, how odd” or “what kind of bartender doesn’t drink” and the most common one would be “I wouldn’t trust a bartender who doesn’t drink”.  When revealing to customers that I’m a Muslim , they would give an expression of disapproval. 

“you’re a Muslim, you work behind the bar, so how does that work” or “that’s not very halal of you” or “why are you here then” or “is that even allowed in your religion” “do your parents know”?. I hear at least one of these comments on my shifts acting as an added stress to a taxing job. There have been times that I have broken down into tears during my shifts when customers refuse to be served by me because being judged so harshly when you’re only trying to do your job. 

Being a female bartender, automatically attracts men and as soon as they lay your eyes on you, we become their desire, as their eyes speak louder than their words itself.  No doubt , It’s flattering when guys give out compliments like “You’re beautiful”, “you have a stunning body” or “your eyebrows are banging” which might be the most unique compliment I’ve come across or maybe ask for your phone number and I might have gotten a marriage proposal from a customer which I may have considered , only if he wasn’t 10 years elder than me.

Speaking to One of my male colleagues on his opinion of how female bartenders get treated he went on to say, “for me I always see female bartenders getting hit on or spoken to inappropriately, which I get if someone’s attractive then let them know but its more like having boundaries for yourself and for them not to be overly forward”.  However, when customers say things like “Are you wearing an underwear right now” or “can I take a shot off your body”? or “that natural curve is what I want” and then winking at me, thinking I’d make them an extra strong drink, but really this just makes me think my body is being used as a vessel to grab their attention rather than just focusing on my ability to perform my job. 

As a consequence , bartending in situations like these can be scary especially if you have hostile customers like these or even feel threatened in the slightest.  One of my female colleagues expressed how she felt about being stuck in situations like these, “There seems to be this mentality and an expectation that if you are a female bartender, you have to be thick skinned and strong since people might treat you without respect more than respect and this so-called sense of entitlement has never settled well with me”. 

No woman should have to wear a fake ring in order for men to leave them alone. On my closing shift, I remember I was cleaning the front counter of the bar and suddenly I feel my arms being squeezed so tightly, it felt like for a moment that it was someone I knew very well but when I turned around to see if it was actually the case, it was some grown man smiling with his teeth out as if he had done nothing wrong and had all the authority to touch me without my permission. When I asked “what are you doing” he replied saying “just wanted to speak to you”. No. If you want to speak to me you use your tongue not your hands!!

It was at that very moment, i thought to myself if my parents ever were to find out about this incident, they would be an emotional wreck because I was always told that “no one is supposed to touch you even if it’s just their finger” while growing up. the situation I was in screaming my heart out only because I felt so helpless in that situation and the damage was already done.  Of course, he was thrown out of the bar, but the scar left on my soul remains and I don’t know if I’ll be able to carry the burden of it life-long without having my parents find out. 

Working 20 hours shift, knowing you’ll be on for feet for 10 hours back-to-back but smiling through it is something I’ve learnt to admire bartenders for especially after becoming one myself. We’re encouraged to work to the point of exhaustion, and this is chain of thought is rarely questioned. This makes me ask question of how hospitality industry works are will willingly signing up for this or is this thought process is so deeply inculcated in our brains? 

However, most of the times customers don’t tend to understand our circumstances if we mess up their drinks only because it’s been a long night, they’ll throw a tantrum or if they’re extremely drunk might just end up harassing bartenders. We stand on our feet for hours, suffering from extreme cramps in our legs because of the aftereffects just to create an atmosphere for people to escape momentarily and enjoy themselves, and in return all we ask for is a respect and a little ounce of patience. is that too much to ask for? Clearly.

Picking up late night shifts especially as a female bartender as that’s the only shift I can afford to do without having my parents finding out. Finishing work around 4 or 5am and the journey to make it home is something. Taking Uber home most of the times isn’t economical, walking home would take me a good amount of time because by the end of my work I have no energy left for cardio, tubes generally don’t run around the time I finish work and taking the bus I would have to face drunk or dodgy looking men who would stare through my soul making me extremely uncomfortable. 

My first few weeks working behind the bar, I developed this lovely bond with a guy called Jake. He was known as a “playboy” at work, but I always knew he meant well. He taught me some tricks of bartendering like ice throwing where you’d throw ice cubes in the air and catch them in your drink. However, as the weeks turned into two months, I started to notice the admirations and attraction in his eyes and trust me the eyes never lie. “Im too good for you” I said, he replied “you think I don’t know that”.  There was never any awkwardness between us after that moment, but he would always show his interest through banter but deep down I always knew there wasn’t any potential since he wasn’t going to change his ways whereas he thought “I was the one”. Few weeks after, he got fired for being too drunk and was caught with a girl at work, and that was the end of the one-sided attraction. 

From Kallifu’s attraction towards me, to us becoming best mates at work it’s a bond I’d cherish for a lifetime. We started off as acquaintances and then started working together on closing shifts where he told once told me “I’d see us together in the future ” and all I replied saying was “damn”. Although it was meant to be an awkward moment since I didn’t really say much on the matter it naturally just turned into those “ice breaking “moments, I found myself a person who would protect me whenever he’d see patrons making me uncomfortable or just constantly asking me if I’m alright or if I need anything, we developed a beautiful friendship. When working in such an environment I feel like it’s important to have a best mate at work who can provide you with a sense of comfort and security. 

Being a sober Muslim female bartender has its own set of challenges since it involves working in an environment which contradicts some traditional Islamic beliefs. Additionally, being a female bartender in a male dominated industry where sexism and harassment comes from customers or sometimes even, your co-workers. However, some Muslim women including myself may choose to work as bartenders who may not look down upon such employment and might simply view it as an experience without normalising the fact that they must drink. In the end, the decision to work as a bartender is totally a personal one and should be based on the individual’s beliefs and values. 

Apart from this piece reflecting my personal experience of being a bartender, I hope to bring to the forefront the perspective of what’s it’s like to be a Female Sober Muslim bartender. Though it feels like I’m constantly juggling between two completely different worlds, it’s been a bitter-sweet journey I’m proud to achieve on my own and label it as “mine”.